Today I learned some valuable lessons about the search for Mr. Right:
1. Introduce yourself. A proper introduction includes your name, where you are from, and how ready you are for marriage.
2. Be honest. It is possible and acceptable to be in love with a man before spending 5 minutes with him. Also, being in love does not require that he know anything about you.
3. Be confident. Find 24 other women to compete with for his affections. He probably won't succumb to anyone else's charms (but if he does, you have every right to be surprised).
4. Set realistic expectations for romance. It is entirely plausible that a first date will include a blimp ride at sunset.
5. Reveal something emotionally charged and deeply personal on your first date. Or during your first conversation.
6. Over-exaggerate all positive qualities he has.
7. If he has a child, explain how much your experience with your nephew has prepared you for motherhood.
8. Preface your (creepiest) statements with the phrase, "I'm not a stalker." You will put him at ease.
9. Tell him you have a secret talent called 'being a good kisser.' Should work like a charm.
10. Cleavage is your friend. And his.
My source? The best in educational programming since Sesame Street.
Ok, ok. So the real lesson? Sometimes the things of lowest quality are the most addictive. True of drugs and television.
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